Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.