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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...