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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business