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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?