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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......