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I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.