Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I’m what you would call β€œindoorsy”
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Are you supposed to get an email that says β€œHAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?