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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?