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Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.