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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.