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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."