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Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Iād like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.