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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...