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A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...