Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.