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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P