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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.