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I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.