Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.