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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Iām planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.