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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.