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I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
i hate that the sun comes up so early