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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
insert coin to view my status