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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.