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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?