Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
You think Iām mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....