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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.