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Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels