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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode