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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.