Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.