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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO