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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.