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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Today one of my colleague told...... Buddy let get into serious studies... exams are on our heads.... And then both of us continued to chat with other people on fb for hours
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
Home is where the pants aren’t.