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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.