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Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.