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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)