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Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.