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I put the o in illiterate!
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
i feel naked without my mobile !
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
I’m not crazy just the voices are!