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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.