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Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.