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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari