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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Do angry people know about naps?
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.