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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I just called. To say. I texted you.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver