Daily Silly Status

Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.

I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.

I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.

Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?

Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...

If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.

I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.

I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?

"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"

My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!

First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.

If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.

Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle

So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.

Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.