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I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
It`s not stalking if you love them!