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You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.