Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.