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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?