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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.