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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Home is where the alcohol is.