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The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.