Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.