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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !