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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
Reincarnation is my only hope.