Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the life I planned in my head.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.